Weight Loss Reason #1 - I Will Look Better & Feel More Attractive

by Michael on 28/04/09 at 8:30 am

Weight Loss Reason #1 - I Will Look Better & Feel More Attractive

In the book The Beck Diet, author Judith Beck recommends that I make a list of all of the reasons that I want to lose weight. And then, as an exercise in retraining my brain and reinforcing my commitment, I’m suppose to read those reasons every day. I thought I’d expand on that and write a bit about each reason.

I feel like I’m a reasonably attractive man, but I sure don’t feel attractive to other people. It’s the she-has-such-a-pretty-face syndrome. And aside from the 300 pounds I’m carrying around, I do other things to make myself unattractive. For instance, when I’m running out for a movie at the video store, I’ll often just head out in my pajama bottoms and my Crocs (with white socks). It’s funny because on one level I seem to care so much what people think of me, but on the other, there I am schlepping down the street in my pajamas and Crocs. “Hmmm, baby, I want me some of that!”

A few months back I had dropped 40 pounds and discovered my body was rampaging a war with type 2 diabetes. And I remember at that time that I was getting cruised on the street. I often wonder about this: was I always getting cruised and just didn’t see it because I walk with my head looking at the ground, or did the 40 pounds make that much of a difference? In my neighbourhood, men who find men like me attractive aren’t going to be put off by forty pounds one way or another – a bear is a bear whether he’s 312 or 272 pounds. But the experience of noticing men noticing me pointed out a couple of things to me: when I feel better about myself I hold myself differently and tend to look at people more often; and, when I figure out that people are noticing me, it sends me screaming into a bag of chips.  So while my number one reason to lose weight is to look better and feel more attractive, I need to find a way to balance that with the feelings that pop up. Because no managing those feelings can send me into a binge, and that’s counter productive.

In some respects, most of my life has been about blending into the background. I like attention when I’ve decided I want it, but when it’s a surprise or unwanted, I just want to fade into my surroundings.  For instance, when I was in grade four I was having some troubles with my times tables. So the teacher asked my mother to start working with me at home. Every night after dinner we worked on my times tables. When I started improving I wanted the praise of the teacher. What I did not want was her to stand at the front of the class and point out to everyone how hard I was working and how they should all be more like me.  Likewise as adult, if my partner and I are travelling the elevator together, I’ll often put on a little stand-up routine for the other riders; I can be quite funny and I enjoy the attention. But if someone in the same setting were to point out that I might want to leave the chips at the corner store, I’d crawl into the floor.

So I fantasize about having a great body, looking good, and turning heads; but in reality, if it were to happen, I wouldn’t know what to do with the attention. And I think the solution probably comes in just doing it for myself. Instead of looking for outside validation, I just need to worry about how I feel about myself. And rather than waiting and looking for that outside validation, I just need to give it to myself. So I think I’ll try an exercise of trying to look my best regardless of what the scale says. So, I will shave every couple of days, instead of once a week; I will wear proper shoes instead of Crocs when I’m heading out in public; pajamas are for the house, not the street; and I will start walking with my head held high. And, of course, I’ll have to give some more thought to this whole freaking out when I get noticed thing.

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One Response to “Weight Loss Reason #1 - I Will Look Better & Feel More Attractive”

  1. Tim

    Nov 25th, 2009

    Michael, I’m impressed with what you are doing, the goals, how organized you are, this blog. My sister lost 100 pounds about ten years ago, and for the most part it did not return. I have no doubts you will achieve you goal.

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